About a week ago, me and my co-workers put on an English camp at one of our schools. After introducing the "games" event and then demonstrating how to properly put together a mean burrito, one of the teachers at the school informed me that I was Queen of the English Camp.

I guess dreams can come true.

Melamine-a-rific

One of my schools gave me a mini candy machine as a welcome gift a couple of weeks ago. After eating most of the M&M's in the machine, I learned about the recall issued on them due to traces of melamine.

There's only a small handful left....

....and I really want to eat them.

I'm also reminded of an e-mail a friend sent me a few weeks back where she shared a dream she'd had about me. In the dream, a doctor told me that I had high cholesterol (which, unbeknownst to my friend, is true). The doctor was then concerned because I had apparently ingested some kind of poison.

Which brings me to my worry about the M&M's.....looking much too delicious in their little poison apple red machine.....

English Lessons

As I was waiting an hour and a half for my train to Seoul, a little boy sat down next to me. I was frantically trying to sort out my daily lesson plans for the entire month of October and so I didn't really notice how keenly interested the boy was in what I was doing...until his head was bent so far over my page that I couldn't read it anymore. I looked at him, slightly annoyed, as I was obviously trying to work. He just kept right on doing his thing until he noticed me staring at him. Then, instead of moving so I could continue working, he grinned at me all chesire-like and started reading my page out loud, "Study directions. Places and direction phrases. Ex: How do you get to the hospital?" He looked fairly pleased with himself and beamed at me with eyes that read, "I know English! I know English!" It was absolutely impossible to be annoyed at this point, and also quite obviously apparent that he would keep staring at me unless I let him show me just how much English he knew.
So, we played hangman for a good 15 minutes...his mother quite happily allowing him to hang out and play strange games with a random foreigner in the train station...and I, quite happily distracted from my tedious lesson planning...until their train arrived and they had to go. They were about halfway to the gates when the little boy turned around and ran back over to where I was sitting. He stuck his hand in his pocket and handed me a Kit Kat, sideways grinned, and then ran back to his mom and off they went, leaving me in smiles.

How much Jam can you put in a Two Week Sunday Sandwich?

Since I've been back in Korea, I've:

- re-introduced myself to the amazing-ness that is a Korean sauna
- had a classroom full of students recite a memorized, "Nice to meet you, teacher. We love you!" as they all made giant heart shapes with their hands
- foiled a full-grown man at Simon Says
- asked at least 10 different farmers how to get to our school (I teach at 7 different schools in the district)
- been late for class twice because at least 10 different farmers gave us poor directions
- eaten raw beef...on purpose
- had a random man ask me if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorbike while I was jogging
- sprained my ankle while jogging 3 minutes after a man asked me if I wanted a ride on his motorbike
- been snapped in the forehead with an elastic band...with my permission...in a bar...while kneeling on a table
- developed a random eye infection that only bothers me when I wear my contacts
- learned how to play a game called Billibow...a game which combines billiards and bowling
- AND have been re-introduced to Bacchus D: the energy and health drink containing nicotine


It's been a busy two weeks, but a good two weeks. : )

Hilarity

We got lost on the way to class the other day and encountered two large statues. The statues were just hanging out on the side of the road.
Just standing there.
Totally non-committal.

Penises.
Yes, that's right.
There were two of them.

Round and round and round and...

So, I've finally arrived in Goryeong. It's everything I had imagined. It's beautiful - small little colonies nestled into tree-laden mountains surrounded by nothing but the sound of cicadas. Refreshing.
And boring boring boring.
But, in comparison to the crazy whirlwind that was my past three weeks? It's no kidding this seems boring.

Enter Connor.
She flies to Seoul. Then to Osaka. Only to have her visa application denied. She then flies back to Seoul. Immigration refuses to grant her a visa anywhere other than Vancouver. She then flies back to Vancouver via Seattle. Buses through customs. Spends the next week at Martin's for the second time around. Obtains visa one day early thanks to daily harassment. She flies to Seoul, takes the bullet train to Daegu and then drives to Goryeong.
And really? That's not even the half of it.

Although incredibly stressful, it was actually a lot of fun because everything was up in the air and anything could have happened. And I did manage to finish Clapton's autobiography in record time due to travel. It's good. Read it. You'll like it. I hope the busker I gave it to likes it as much as I did. He seemed pretty excited about it.

And I have a possible future job as a teacher in Nepal working for an NGO?

AND...I've recently been vaccinated against multiple infectious diseases. Go me!

i should be...

i should be smiling outside in the green
basking momentary in rainy day reprieve
lulled out by the birdsong

The Clouds to mulling their course for the week
The Day waning shades, dressed beautiful bleak

i should be contented outside in the eve
watching reflections in dew-pooled leaves
tip-toed out by the birdsong

The Tragedies of Mondayness

I've a dyslexic alphabet soup puddle for a mental dictionary
A coffee smudged crayon smeared map for an itinerary
I'm a polar bear in a desert storm
The light you leave on when no one is home

Wandering wondering silently pondering
...And waiting for Time

I was a bit bummed out on Monday. H&R Block told me I am "responsible for paying $6000 on my income" for the two years that I was working in Korea. I'm really crossing my fingers that I qualify for non-residency. $6000 is ridiculous. Especially when they canceled my health care for that time span, anyways.
Luckily, Friday presented me with a kick ass birthday cake and a room full of rockin' friends to bring up my mood.
I received a bucket of gummy worms and a card with a photo of Neil Diamond inside. Suffice it to say, the 6 grand sounded more like peanuts. (I don't have any peanuts, either, but they seem like they might be easier to acquire).

"Come gather around me. Space travelers surround me.

Hark now to the ballad of Rocket Robin Hood.

I may well confound you, astound you, spellbound you,

with heroes and villains, the bad and the good.

Watch now as our rockets race here from afar.

For now, with our Robin, we live on a star.

Three. Two. One. Blast off!

Band of brothers, marching together.

Heads held high in all kinds of weather.

With fiery blasts, our roaring rockets rise,

beyond the Earth, beyond the skies!

At the sight of Robin, take your stand,

with the gallant leader of our band.

Send a joyous shout throughout the land!

For Rocket Robin Hood!"

First Wok with Yan and then Rocket Robin Hood? Oh, archaic Canadian broadcasting, I salute thee!

We tore out lino at an old woman's house today. She offered my dad a cup of coffee and then looked at me, all simple smiles, beaming, "And what about you little kidlet? We have some juice or some orange pop. How does that sound?" Oh yes, because I'm obviously WAY too young for coffee and orange pop is just SO much more FUN! : )

Old people rock.

To make a great day even better, Wok with Yan was on TV this morning.

I'll be in Vancouver a week from yesterThursday. See you then?

My dad and I went to work yesterday at a really big, expensive house. As soon as we walked in, the decor simply screamed let's sit down and have tea and crumpets and discuss the tragedies of our poor English husbands gone off to war. There was something vaguely familiar about the place, but I couldn't quite place it. It wasn't until later, while the matron of the house had us trapped in her front entranceway brandishing copies of the Watchtower and a disturbingly glazed grin, that I recalled the reason for the familiarity...when this particular house was being built, my friends and I used to get silly wasted on the grand open staircase and pretend we owned the place.

inner dialogue: HA HA HA HA HA HA!! bite my tongue bite my tongue bite my tongue.................

While I was tearing up a terribly dusty rubberback carpet on Tuesday, I couldn't help but notice the designs on the floor. The places where the rubber refused to come off (despite my manic, sweaty attempts to remove it) spiraled strangely into the old and yellowed trowel tines of the ancient glue - all black and orangey-yellow impressionist splotches. The subsequent patterns immediately made me think of the cover of my copy of Hemmingway's "A Farewell to Arms."

Perhaps it's time I actually read the thing.

I was mistaken for my 15 year old sister this past weekend at the bar.
I guess the anti-aging creams are working.
That, and I'm pretty certain the woman was raging drunk.

It's spring. Spring always gets me all stirred up.
Presently, I'm all wound up in rural nowhere.
This is less than ideal for Springtime mind wanderings and longings for all things adventure.
I figured I'd attempt to stave it off with some cathartic writing.
We'll see how it goes.
Goodbye to Myspace (http://www.myspace.com/gomez_outrageous) and hello to...here?
Much less cluttered. Unlike moi.